Today was senior skip day, traditionally the Monday after prom.  It's mainly used for kids who have a hangover to recover, but the "good" kids usually just use it to catch up on homework or just to have some extra free time.  I spent it sleeping and looking up information for my college orientation.

Oh yeah!  I was accepted at Anoka-Ramsey Community College.  Nowhere elaborate, but at least I'm not concerned about thousands of dollars in debt after I graduate.

Now, I sit here, procrastinating even more.  Putting off my news articles for journalism, my persuasive essay for english and my outline for AP Gov.  I believe tonight will be an all-nighter.

It definitely has been eons since I've updated.  Eons and a bag of chips.  Let's just say, I've been that busy.

Around the beginning of this month, I was selected for All-Conference Concert Band.  Unfortunately, that same weekend I was struck down with Laryngitis and Croup, causing my absence at the concert and the absence of the piccolo solo.  Nevertheless, a week later I returned to school.  That's when the stress really started.

School has been overwhelming.  Staying up late, finishing homework, trying to catch up from missing a week plus huge amounts of homework teachers decide to pile on us at the end of the trimester.  Not to mention, I get so overwhelmed on the weekends I end up doing close to nothing, if anything.

I'm officially failing Calculus with a 58%.  It'll drop soon, being I got a 20% on my last quiz.  I'm willing to give Calculus another shot, however without the AP curriculum.  It's taken too much out of me and it's just too much for me to handle right now.  In time it'll come, just not right now.

A brief word on my disorder, it's called Conversion Disorder.  My body turns stress into physical symptoms.  One example would be when I spend nights away from home, I get symptoms of the flu.  It's like my body mocks diseases under stressful conditions.  This entire year has been very stressful for me, so I have an entirely numb leg.  It has no feeling from my hip to my toes.    There is no physical visible cause of it, so everything checks out as normal, resulting in no known cure.  I have had a numb leg for 5 months now.  Imagine your leg asleep for that long.  It's pretty annoying.

Well, Paul and I are doing fine.  We celebrated our '1 month anniversary' on Friday the 13th and then celebrated Valentine's Day a day later.  I feel like I have a much stronger connection with him than anyone else.  I have been in love before, so I know the feeling.  I knew in my heart I was in love, and not an infatuation, but this feels different to me.  I feel like we have a better communication and a stronger emotional attraction.  We were even talking about this a while ago and he even said "I'm not just physically attracted to you.  I am emotionally attracted to you.  Everything you do is just a little sign and I can't help but smile every time you do these little things (like squint when my nose itches).  I've never felt closer to anyone before and I'm really glad you're the one I am with."  I agreed completely with him.  I don't want to sound over my head when I say this, but this relationship is more than just 'like.'  I love him.

Piano lessons have been my last priority, and it definitely shows.  Since I have a digital piano, it tends to have it's glitches so whenever I practice I have to fix the piano every 15 minutes, give or take.  My teacher has been reassigning songs and I've been sight reading almost every lesson.  I'm trying to work on it, but my schedule is pretty much filled.  When I'm not doing homework, I'm either sleeping, hanging out with Paul, or cleaning.  School is definitely cutting into my social life.  I haven't talked to most of my friends, other than Paul, in weeks.  Isn't senior year supposed to be easy...?

Next trimester should be easier.  I dropped Calculus for next trimester, since I'm failing.  I have French, Journalism, Writing Concepts, AP Gov, Band and Photography 2.  English and the arts are my best subjects and my French class is just easy for me.  My only real challenge should be AP Gov.  That's coming up in 6 days.

I took my ACTs this month.  It turns out I got a 23, so higher than average, but not anything extravagant.  I'm just fine with going to a community college for my generals.  I've decided to major in relationship psychology and counseling with a minor in general music.

Well, I'll try to come on and update more often.  I forgot how much I miss being on here.

-Katie Sue.

Calculus has always been a struggle for me.

Since the beginning of the school year, I have tried my hardest to understand it.  I have asked the teacher, I have asked other students, I have asked my parents for help.  I turned desperately for the internet as well to give me answers.  It has brought my GPA down a ton.

I thought I could do with just finishing the class, but not taking the AP test.  I was okay with that.  When I checked my grades and realized that I had a D- (barely) because I nearly failed every assignment and test, it made me realize that I should've done something earlier.  I knew that from the beginning of the year that it would be a struggle but it never occurred to me that it would be my first class I would ever fail.  I have a 3.245 GPA.  I am satisfied with getting A's and B's and an occasional C if I really put the effort into it, but failing?  I've never failed a class ever!  I'm stuck!

I cried for a while tonight, I can't take this stress anymore.  I am going to get through the trimester and leave calculus behind.  I'm done.  I'm dropping calculus.

Paul finally asked me out.  It wasn’t anything special, but I was so happy when he did.  I was so excited for him to finally do it; I couldn’t wait for the butterflies in my stomach and my heart to race for hours and hours.

After he did ask me to be his girlfriend, everything felt exactly the same.  I didn’t feel a spark and I didn’t feel on top of the world.

Wait a minute, something is missing.

I’ve never had this problem before, if it is what you would call a problem.  Whenever I’m officially dating a guy I ALWAYS get the cloud 9 feeling.  Why aren’t I feeling it?

Anyways, Mitch wasn’t mad about us dating, being that he doesn’t care about Paul anymore.  They got into a fight about Paul’s drug habits and still haven’t made up, so Mitch gave me his blessing as long as I’m happy.  I’m really surprised he did that.  I half expected him to throw a fit about how stupid he thinks I am for dating Paul.  Regardless, I’m happy.

Paul has been clean of everything for about a week now, so he tells me.  I heard through the grapevine that his best friend said Paul was taking a few pills during school with him, but when I asked him about it, he freaked out and thought that dating me was a mistake if I was going to accuse him of doing things he was innocent of.  I still question it, however.  I believe he wants to be clean and he’s cutting down on it, but I don’t think he’s done with drugs completely.  I don’t know what to do, though.  He won’t tell me anything.  I don’t think he would have questioned our relationship if he really did take some pills… I think.

Well, I have two projects over the weekend: a time line of French composers throughout history including a biography on each (written in French) and a 2-3 page paper with a tri-board on my disorder and how teens are the main target for it.  I’ll put up more about my disorders later when I’m not so busy.  In the meantime, I’ll be working on these.

-Katie Sue.

It feels like your lips are freezing and burning at the same time. 

Not much has gone on this week, I am just writing a quick entry before I go on yet another date with Paul.  He and Mitch had gotten into a fight (unrelated to us) and they are no longer friends.  To put it short, Paul has decided to give up smoking everything.  He wants to stay clean because he realized that his habits have gotten too far that his best friend gave up on him.  I told him I will support him completely with it, but if he stops caring and goes back to his old habits then I won't stick around.  He got the clue and now he has been sober for 3 days.  A small start, but a start nevertheless.

I'm addicted to Beethoven, as weird as that may seem.  My favorite song by him is Moonlight Sonata and that is now my profile song on Myspace.  My friend Mike gave me crap about it, so I simply said "You know you're a band geek when..."

I recently started piano lessons again for the first time since 8th grade.  It has been 4 years since I've seen my teacher and I was so happy to see her.  She wasn't sure what level to put me in, so she experimented with some grade 4 books, even though I've had a total of probably 10 lessons with her in the past 10 years.  I learn better when I teach myself, but this just gives me more motivation and a better way to get the resources.  So, after 10 lessons, I am now at level 4.  And might I add... the songs aren't as hard as she thought they should be for me.  :)